Choose to be kinder and let things go

This week’s challenge in the 52 Weeks to simplify your life challenge is all about gratitude and kindness. But a word that really jumps out at me, is CHOOSE. Choose to be kinder and let things go.

It is all about what we CHOOSE to do or say or how we CHOOSE to react to a situation as to how we feel, good or bad. And it’s really got me thinking.

I have felt quite down the last few weeks, and I see that it’s because I have chosen to let things get to me or I have felt that things are out of my control. I have chosen this week to lift myself up and change this pattern, and in doing so I have let things go.

I am a natural nurturer. If someone I know is down or sick or needs a hand with anything, I will be there! Usually with arms full of lasagne and whatever other delights I have cooked. I like to help my friends and family and community whenever or wherever I can. Usually to the detriment to myself and my health.

But lately I have also noticed that people are taking advantage of this nice spirit of mine, and I come away feeling quite used and upset. This has puzzled me as I know I do things for others because I want to and I like to know that I have helped ease their burden, so why should it matter to me if they are taking advantage. These feelings also started me thinking of the times that I have needed help or would have liked someone to do the same for me – only nobody did. I have gone through some very rough patches and no one was there for me. So, my thinking started to change and I wonder why do I bother???? It can really get me down, but do you know what? I still continue to do these things – these acts of kindness and love – and I am pretty sire I always will. It’s me and it always will be. After all, it’s how I feel when I help these people!!

So, I am letting go of this feeling!!

This week’s challenge has also lead me to a gratitude journal..... I am still not 100% sure what it is, but I have taken the meaning to be a journal where every night I think of at least five things I am grateful for that occurred in that day. I am really enjoying it, and it really does lift your mood and spirits.

For example, a few things that I am grateful this week were:

My beautiful baby girl. She makes me laugh at her little personality starting to emerge. The fact that she started to crawl ALL around the house this week, and now I don’t know where I will find her.

My husband. He really is a special person. A kind hearted and loving man I am a very lucky woman to have such a great husband. He does so much for me and our family – I am very grateful for him and his love.

The Bright Blue Sky – And also the Dark Rain Filled Sky. This week we have seen hot days and also stormy days. I have found myself a few times just gazing at the sky thinking just how beautiful it is. And oh I was very grateful for the magical dark stormy sky on Friday. I needed a rest and the darkness of the sky and the soft sound of rain made me stop and rest. It was a relaxing day!

My Mum. Most people would be grateful for their mums, so this may not seem big, but it’s huge for me!! I am so very happy at the moment because my mum, who lives quite far away, and doesn’t come to stay much, is coming to stay for eight days, to help celebrate my daughters first birthday. I am excited to see her and share with her this milestone. But also for my children to spend time with their nanny.

So, so far so good with my journal. It’s also nice to have a tiny piece of calm before bed.

While, I am enjoying everything right now, I also need to talk about what I have let go:

I have let go of the feeling that I am supposed to work and be a mum. It is ok for me to be just a mum and still be a valuable member of society!!!

I have let go of my position of employment. I an officially JUST A MUM – but oh so proud of that decision. I feel so light and happy now that the decision has been made!!

I have let go of the negative feelings I was having towards my baby girls sleeping habits!! She was once a fantastic sleeper mmmm not anymore!! She has decided that she needs a few night feeds, and some nights she decides she needs some extra cuddles in there too....... all this was leading to a very cranky and TIRED mummy...... So I was searching and searching WHAT COULD be the matter – and I stumbled across this gorgeous article, and it is just what I needed!!!

http://www.kidspot.com.au/Parenting-Ask-Dr-Justin-Help!-I-cant-settle-my-baby-and-Im-exhausted+6881+752+article.htm

It wasn’t your usual article about the practical, you know change the nappy, settle the baby, be tough blah blah blah, it was an article that made me feel good about hugging her tight in the middle of the night, and feeding her whenever, it was ok that I did what I felt was right. Finally an article that said loud and clear, mums do know best!!! So, now instead of searching for an answer to the exhaustion, I am embracing it as all too soon my little cherub will be all grown up!!!

Well, thank you deb for brightening my week! I am back on track now I have let a lot go and realise that it really is good to give and just be kind. I know myself that it brightens my day when a stranger smiles or holds a door, small gestures but sometimes they can be huge!!!

Fear!

This week’s challenge to look at our fears - or what holds us back from doing things, has been hard to think about, and now I am writing...... even harder. I have put alot of thought into this and it is quite difficult to actually get the words out (and in some kind of understandable manner!!!!)

I am AFRAID of my children dying. I am petrified that my baby girl who is almost one is going to stop breathing in her sleep and die. I am scared that my older children are going to have some kind of horrific accident that will take their life away. I am scared.

I have a FEAR of people really finding out who I am, and what I am really like - because they may not like me anymore.

I have a FEAR that people will JUDGE me negatively, on ALL my choices I make.

I have a WEIRD feeling that people are always talking about me, and this makes me feel isolated. I feel like these people who are somewhat ‘my friends’ may not be.

I have a FEAR that my husband will one day wake up and say it’s over.

I am AFRAID to be myself.

This post is quite dark and heavy – and if you are still reading, I apologise. But these are my fears. They stem from events that have occured throughout my life, and I cannot change these. All I can do is work on getting through them (and hoping they never happen!!!)

Yes I am also normal and afraid to step out of my comfort zone and try something new, incase I fail or cannot fulfil what I started, but the above fears are my real deep concerns. Some days they overwhelm me and I am so frightened. But really they are unlikely to happen and I need to keep telling myself that.

My friends love me for me, I know that.

My husband is the love of my life and I am his, I KNOW he would never say it’s over.

And really, people who judge me, well I should really not care!!!

And being myself – well that’s a work in progress!!!

Go easier on yourself..........

Was this week’s SYL Challenge set just for me personally?? Mmmm I think so.

I am in a constant battle with myself about EVERYTHING, from what I SHOULD be eating, to what I SHOULD weigh, to what extra curricula activities my kids SHOULD be doing, what my baby girl SHOULD be eating and doing, to well...... every aspect of my life. I am not happy that this battle rages in my head all the time. It’s a battle that will never be won as my personality is to please everyone at the cost of myself and my health – now I know this and still continue to be the person that never says no and always has time for everyone (except me).

So this week’s task was hard for me, but also timely.

My maternity leave (which technically finished in December – but I extended it to March) is up and I have to decide WHAT to do.  The battle of working or not working has raged inside my head for months!!!! The problem is that I don’t enjoy my job, I don’t get paid what I should and I think it would add way too much stress to my family’s life if I was to go back to work.( Mind you, my boss has only asked for me to return one day a week.) And the major downside – is that I am not ready to leave my baby girl.

I love being a stay at home mum. I love being there for every moment. I love being able to take my children to netball training or football, or wherever and not always saying, oh sorry mummy has to work. I have been the working mum and I don’t like that person. I like having dinner cooked every night (well nearly) and the house being tidy because I had time to do it. I don’t like the running around feeling like I am chasing my tail AND NEVER CATCHING UP!!!!

Some would say JUST stay home. Easier said than done. I feel that if I tell my boss that I cannot work, that I have let him down. That I owe him something...... I don’t owe him anything I know, but that’s how I feel.

Today I had a meeting with him and I was all strong and ready to say that I can only return to work if I work from home – which can be done to a fair extent in my position – BUT I went in there and the result was............no working from home, and I start next Thursday for one day a week........

Still, three hours later I feel deflated, sick, like a pushover, sad VERY sad and like a small child who doesn’t know what to do.

So this week’s task - Take time for some self reflection and see if there is anything in your life where changing your expectations / standards / approach could change your life. Is there something you can let go of (or approach differently) that does not currently serve you?

Mmmmm I know that I SHOULD be letting go of my job, HOW HOW HOW HOW!!!!!!!!

I think I should also let go of the fact that life is not perfect and that life will not end if my vacuuming or dishes are not done. This is a major thing I need to let go of. I need to let go of the little things that really do not matter………… but……… how!!!!! I could write a HUGE long list but perhaps just acknowledging them for now is good enough. And perhaps the big task of working/not working is such a major hurdle to get over this week, that I should put my energy into that.

Thanks Deb for such a timely challenge........

What makes you happy?

This week’s task, What Makes YOU Happy? ....... What makes me happy??????? What makes me happy???????? Ummmmmmm Well, I really don’t know!!!

Where was I to begin? I read through Deb’s challenge post and couldn’t even think about everyday things that made me happy. Now I am not depressed but perhaps I am not as happy as I should be or WANT to be!!!

I began to write a list (in no order at all), but they were all ‘bigger’ things or things that didn’t happen very often, it seemed that not much on an everyday level made me happy.

·        A tidy, orderly home

·        Family relaxation time, such as holidays

·        Seeing extended family

·        School Holidays – no routine

·        Living in our quiet town

·        Seeing two blue lines on a pregnancy test

·        An empty ironing basket

·        Watching movies

·        Reading

·        Cooking

·        Actually finishing one of my many projects

·        Getting random letters, emails, sms from friends or family just saying hi, or I love you!

·        Going to markets

Why couldn’t I connect enough to see everyday moments? This task was supposed to help me identify my happiness....... I continued all week to think and notice smaller things; again this list is no order

·        Being a stay at home mum

·        Having dinner every night with my family at the dining table

·        Seeing my friends

·        Watching my children play sport

·        Taking photos

I was really getting down at my lack of connection. And I know that if anyone is actually reading this list – haha – then you are probably thinking that this list is pretty good, put I just feel as though I am missing the whole point of the task, considering the second part of the challenge was to try incorporate at least one happiness point into our everyday lives – haha pretty difficult to incorporate having an empty ironing basket everyday when I hate ironing!!!! Is this all my life is????

Surely, there’s more to me?? Ok maybe if I tried harder,

·        Seeing my children first thing in the morning all sleepy and smiling

·        Picking my children up from school and seeing the smiling faces and they run up to me and hug me with a big Hi Mum!!

·        The sun shining

·        Washing hanging on the line, swaying in the wind

·        Curled up next to my husband at night

·        Watching my baby girl discover the world

·        Laying in bed on a day when we don’t have to be anywhere

·        Walks at night with my husband

·        Watching my older children play/laugh/talk together, especially at night when they whisper from their beds (from their own rooms) all about their day

·        Laying on the couch, doing not much at all after a looooong night with a sick baby

·        Looking at photos

·        Watching the sun shine through my bedroom windows

·        Eating dinner that has been cooked by my husband

·        Having quiet one on one time with my husband

·        Breastfeeding

·        Hugging all of my babies – big and small!!!

·        Having quiet dark snuggles with my little baby in the middle of the night

·        Eating pancakes.

So, I at least compiled some kind of happiness list, still feeling disconnected and unable to incorporate things into my day to day life to increase my happiness levels. But maybe I am missing the point of the challenge........

Create a Vision Board.....

Every week I look forward to reading what Deb at SYL has in store for us as we muddle our way through the 52 week challenge. So far I have been challenged, but have also really loved the changes in me brought about pushing myself to complete the challenges.

It has been difficult keeping on top of the challenges the last few weeks, as we returned to our crazy lives with the return of school and after school activities and I have had a tired and unwell little baby. I may not get the post written on time, but the challenges are always at the forefront of my mind and I let the weeks questions and thoughts swirl around and hope that when I actually get a minute to write, it will just flow.......

The challenge of creating a vision board was daunting to me as I am not creative and I was stuck on how I would portray my goals or feelings for 2012 into pictures...... I was lucky that I had stumbled across Pinterest earlier this year, so this made my task a little easier!!! So, here it is:

It is full of dreaming, hope, calm, family and hopefully letting go of fear – oh and also getting the laundry done, and keeping up with it – hahahaha!!!

I am going to get it printed and framed, and then hopefully find a nice space in my bedroom so I can admire it everyday. Thanks again Deb for challenging me and inspiring me to be the better me that I know is in there somewhere!!!   J



Set Goals and Priorities......

This area is so big and so overwhelming that I haven’t been able to tackle it (it’s taken nearly two weeks!!!) But with Deb from SYL Challenge’s guidance on goal setting, I hope that my goals are both attainable and covers enough areas so that by the end of 2012, my Wheel of Life looks a bit healthier!!!!

First of all, an important goal (or the most time important) is my goal to lose 10kg by the end of April 2012. I am not overly overweight, but I do need to lose (I feel) around 10kg, so that when my husband and I try to for another baby (which is coming around quite soon!!!) that I am a bit healthier and fitter to go through another pregnancy.

The second most important goal for me right now, is to spend one on one time with each family member so that we all know that we are important and loved. This also includes nurturing the relationship with my husband! This could be small things like a walk every night, or a movie date with only one child at a time. I don’t want this to be a big deal, but more small and inexpensive things to do together. I would hope to aim for at least a one on one outing once a fortnight.

Thirdly, to maintain a clean and tidy home, as I know I am a calmer and happier person and I feel that everything is under control when the house is clean. This also includes keeping up with the ironing (the number one job that I hate!!!!!)

My fourth goal is perhaps a funny goal to have (especially at number 4), is to stop writing TO DO LISTS and actually DO THE THINGS ON THE LIST!!!!!!!!! I am going to try and write one list a month and do everything on it. The list I will make will be attainable and I will strive very hard to complete the list every month!!!!

Number five on my goals and priority list, would be to slow down. My life feels like it is running at 100 miles an hour and I really want and need it to slow down. I want to increase my time spent outside, by walking or gardening and I want to start a compost bin and to spend time in my husband’s vegetable garden. I hope to have begun a compost bin and a small garden by the end of March 2012.

Six.... phew the list is getting longer!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would like to start having extended family ‘catch up’ days at least once every two months. I feel very disconnected from my brothers and sisters lately as we all have very busy lives, but family is a number one priority and importance to me, so I want to try and repair these relationships. I hope that a regular catch up with everyone would be a small step in the right direction!!! I aim to have had the first ‘catch up’ by the end of March 2012.

NUMBER SEVEN!!!! To make new friendships and reconnect with the old. It’s hard when you have a new baby, you think you have heaps of time, when in reality you have NONE!!!! My baby girl is about to turn one in March and I feel very isolated (and have down for a few months now) and I really want this feeling to GO AWAY!!!! I hope that this year I meet some new people, with little ones, and I am going to try achieve this by stepping out of my comfort zone and GO TO PLAYGROUPS!!!!! Ohhhhhh scary scary thought but I will go and I will try!!!!!! I also want to reconnect with my old friends, they are important to me and they are obviously in my life for a reason, and I think they need some nurturing to get back the closeness once shared!! I aim to at least meet face to face once a month with an old friend!!!

Goal number eight is a personal goal, for both career and personal growth. I started a photography course at the end of 2011, but as usual life got in the way and the study took a back seat. I am setting myself the goal of completing this course by the end of 2012!!!! This will enable me to get more out of my love of photography and maybe add a source of income if I choose to take my photography to the next level.

Goal nine is to read at least one book and watch a movie a month!!! I love reading and have books everywhere and lists of books I want to read or movies to see, but I never seem to have time!! I want to MAKE time to read and watch movies!!!!

Goal number ten perhaps should be way up the top at number one or two, but it’s here and I hope that by progressing and working on all my other goals, Number Ten may just fall into place!! I would like to have a happier and healthier family by the end of 2012!!!! Not going to specify anything here, just hope to see some changes J

 
So these goals are actually quite daunting now that I have written them in a list form (which I actually said I WOULD NOT DO!!!!). But I will not be deterred. I am going to try and I will commit some time and patience into achieving them.

Probably the first and best place to start would be to draw up a time chart or timetable of sorts, so I am able to see WHERE I spend my time and WHERE I could fit in these new great ideas and hopes into my life.......    HERE I GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just breathing.......

Ahhhhhhh, a week to just breathe!!! Thanks deb for the week to just take it all in and take stock of what we have done in the last few weeks.

This week’s break came at a perfect time for my family. It was the last week of Victorian school holidays and so as we count down to school starting on Monday I really needed to get ready!! We decluttered all of the kids clothes and went shopping for everything they needed (and in some cases for stuff they didn’t need)!!

We played board games (as there is not much time in the school term), we walked and talked, and I got the house kind of under control..... although I am looking forward to next week when I can actually get ON TOP of everything and get my house back into a routine and order so we can all function through what is a called the school term (or chaos!!!!)

I have loved these school holidays, I have been able to spend time with my all of my kids without working or rushing around. I have been able to sit back and enjoy their company and be quite amazed and proud, especially of my son who turned 11 over the holidays. He has grown into a gorgeous young boy and is so smart and clever and beautiful and caring and...... I could really go on!!! My love for him has really blossomed and I am so proud. I am also sad, he has grown so tall and quite often sits around the house in just his footy shorts – ahhhh it scares me to think that he will soon be a teenager and a young man - ?????!!!?????!!!?????!!!!??????? so for now I will have to steal big hugs while he will give them to me!!!!!

It also gave me a chance to sit back and have a read through some other great challenge posts.... I am soo grateful to have joined this challenge, it has allowed my thoughts to get into some kind of order and get out of my head, and it’s also opened up my life to other great women who are all on similar wavelengths to me....... I am loving making connections with others!!!

 Ahhhhhh so as I think about returning to normality on Monday, I am quite calm and excited to think about what the 2012 school year is going to hold. My oldest is starting Grade 5 and my second, Grade 4, so we are accustomed to the school term routine, but it’s still quite emotional for me on the first day when I drop them at school and they walk (run) away from me towards their friends and new experiences...... I will probably still shed a small tear – I can’t help it!!!!