Fear!

This week’s challenge to look at our fears - or what holds us back from doing things, has been hard to think about, and now I am writing...... even harder. I have put alot of thought into this and it is quite difficult to actually get the words out (and in some kind of understandable manner!!!!)

I am AFRAID of my children dying. I am petrified that my baby girl who is almost one is going to stop breathing in her sleep and die. I am scared that my older children are going to have some kind of horrific accident that will take their life away. I am scared.

I have a FEAR of people really finding out who I am, and what I am really like - because they may not like me anymore.

I have a FEAR that people will JUDGE me negatively, on ALL my choices I make.

I have a WEIRD feeling that people are always talking about me, and this makes me feel isolated. I feel like these people who are somewhat ‘my friends’ may not be.

I have a FEAR that my husband will one day wake up and say it’s over.

I am AFRAID to be myself.

This post is quite dark and heavy – and if you are still reading, I apologise. But these are my fears. They stem from events that have occured throughout my life, and I cannot change these. All I can do is work on getting through them (and hoping they never happen!!!)

Yes I am also normal and afraid to step out of my comfort zone and try something new, incase I fail or cannot fulfil what I started, but the above fears are my real deep concerns. Some days they overwhelm me and I am so frightened. But really they are unlikely to happen and I need to keep telling myself that.

My friends love me for me, I know that.

My husband is the love of my life and I am his, I KNOW he would never say it’s over.

And really, people who judge me, well I should really not care!!!

And being myself – well that’s a work in progress!!!