This week’s challenge in the 52 Weeks to simplify your life challenge is all about gratitude and kindness. But a word that really jumps out at me, is CHOOSE. Choose to be kinder and let things go.
It is all about what we CHOOSE to do or say or how we CHOOSE to react to a situation as to how we feel, good or bad. And it’s really got me thinking.
I have felt quite down the last few weeks, and I see that it’s because I have chosen to let things get to me or I have felt that things are out of my control. I have chosen this week to lift myself up and change this pattern, and in doing so I have let things go.
I am a natural nurturer. If someone I know is down or sick or needs a hand with anything, I will be there! Usually with arms full of lasagne and whatever other delights I have cooked. I like to help my friends and family and community whenever or wherever I can. Usually to the detriment to myself and my health.
But lately I have also noticed that people are taking advantage of this nice spirit of mine, and I come away feeling quite used and upset. This has puzzled me as I know I do things for others because I want to and I like to know that I have helped ease their burden, so why should it matter to me if they are taking advantage. These feelings also started me thinking of the times that I have needed help or would have liked someone to do the same for me – only nobody did. I have gone through some very rough patches and no one was there for me. So, my thinking started to change and I wonder why do I bother???? It can really get me down, but do you know what? I still continue to do these things – these acts of kindness and love – and I am pretty sire I always will. It’s me and it always will be. After all, it’s how I feel when I help these people!!
So, I am letting go of this feeling!!
This week’s challenge has also lead me to a gratitude journal..... I am still not 100% sure what it is, but I have taken the meaning to be a journal where every night I think of at least five things I am grateful for that occurred in that day. I am really enjoying it, and it really does lift your mood and spirits.
For example, a few things that I am grateful this week were:
My beautiful baby girl. She makes me laugh at her little personality starting to emerge. The fact that she started to crawl ALL around the house this week, and now I don’t know where I will find her.
My husband. He really is a special person. A kind hearted and loving man I am a very lucky woman to have such a great husband. He does so much for me and our family – I am very grateful for him and his love.
The Bright Blue Sky – And also the Dark Rain Filled Sky. This week we have seen hot days and also stormy days. I have found myself a few times just gazing at the sky thinking just how beautiful it is. And oh I was very grateful for the magical dark stormy sky on Friday. I needed a rest and the darkness of the sky and the soft sound of rain made me stop and rest. It was a relaxing day!
My Mum. Most people would be grateful for their mums, so this may not seem big, but it’s huge for me!! I am so very happy at the moment because my mum, who lives quite far away, and doesn’t come to stay much, is coming to stay for eight days, to help celebrate my daughters first birthday. I am excited to see her and share with her this milestone. But also for my children to spend time with their nanny.
So, so far so good with my journal. It’s also nice to have a tiny piece of calm before bed.
While, I am enjoying everything right now, I also need to talk about what I have let go:
I have let go of the feeling that I am supposed to work and be a mum. It is ok for me to be just a mum and still be a valuable member of society!!!
I have let go of my position of employment. I an officially JUST A MUM – but oh so proud of that decision. I feel so light and happy now that the decision has been made!!
I have let go of the negative feelings I was having towards my baby girls sleeping habits!! She was once a fantastic sleeper mmmm not anymore!! She has decided that she needs a few night feeds, and some nights she decides she needs some extra cuddles in there too....... all this was leading to a very cranky and TIRED mummy...... So I was searching and searching WHAT COULD be the matter – and I stumbled across this gorgeous article, and it is just what I needed!!!
http://www.kidspot.com.au/Parenting-Ask-Dr-Justin-Help!-I-cant-settle-my-baby-and-Im-exhausted+6881+752+article.htm
It wasn’t your usual article about the practical, you know change the nappy, settle the baby, be tough blah blah blah, it was an article that made me feel good about hugging her tight in the middle of the night, and feeding her whenever, it was ok that I did what I felt was right. Finally an article that said loud and clear, mums do know best!!! So, now instead of searching for an answer to the exhaustion, I am embracing it as all too soon my little cherub will be all grown up!!!
http://www.kidspot.com.au/Parenting-Ask-Dr-Justin-Help!-I-cant-settle-my-baby-and-Im-exhausted+6881+752+article.htm
It wasn’t your usual article about the practical, you know change the nappy, settle the baby, be tough blah blah blah, it was an article that made me feel good about hugging her tight in the middle of the night, and feeding her whenever, it was ok that I did what I felt was right. Finally an article that said loud and clear, mums do know best!!! So, now instead of searching for an answer to the exhaustion, I am embracing it as all too soon my little cherub will be all grown up!!!
Well, thank you deb for brightening my week! I am back on track now I have let a lot go and realise that it really is good to give and just be kind. I know myself that it brightens my day when a stranger smiles or holds a door, small gestures but sometimes they can be huge!!!
it's hard when people bring you down. But you're right it is all about choice and it sounds like deep down you know what choices you need to make. doesn't mean that we're still not going to have days where we're down, you're only human.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mandy! Yes we are always going to have down days, but lets hope the GOOD days outweight the rest!! If i just believed in myself that its ok to do what i do then i would probably be ok!!! Thanks for taking the time to read, and comment this week :)
DeleteHi Paula, I loved your post (yet again). I love your kindness. Sometimes its hard not to be upset when we think we are being taken advantage of, maybe its best to remember why you are helping out and that by giving we are also receiving. Paula I love your gratitude journal. fantastic job. Enjoy your time with your mum, make some fantastic memories. take care
ReplyDeletePS if you ever need to talk email me/or send me a msg....
Thanks Rita! Yes i am looking forward to my mums visit, i just hope it all goes smooth and we enjoy each other for who we are :) I will send you a message shortly :)
DeleteHi Paula, I would really like to swap contact details with you. could you send me your email address on my blog (looking back to move forward). I moderate each comment prior to publication so I won't publish your details. I'm not very good at Techo stuff but I figure this is the best way to get in contact (or you could send me a msg on Facebook). Thanks.
ReplyDeleterita
What a beautifully written post, I can tell you are a very lovely soul, sorry to hear people have been taking advantage of you, but it sounds like you have chosen to move on and look at the great things in life, well written xx
ReplyDeleteOh thank you - your comment "i can tell you are a very lovely soul" made me tear up. Thank you for such a beautiful comment!!! Thanks again for reading :)
DeleteThis is a beautiful post - it is hard sometimes to remember that we can choose and we do absolutely have that choice. I love that you are totally owning and shining in the decisions that you have made x
ReplyDeleteThanks Lyndaal! It is hard sometimes isnt it to remember that we always have a choice, its just sometimes we may not like the choices that there are!!! Thanks for reading, I am loving following your journey also x
DeleteIt is really difficult to keep being kind and giving of yourself when people don't give back. Even though you don't do things for people so that they "will owe you one" so to speak, it still isn't a nice feeling to feel used. But well done for remembering why you do those things in the first place and letting go of the negative feelings. And welcome aboard the gratitude journal train! I love mine, even if some days it is like pulling teeth to actually be grateful, it usually is what pulls me out of the fog.
ReplyDeleteThank you!! Yes its a hard one always doing things for everyone and not getting much in return, i have spent many many hours upset over it, but i really have started to change and think 'oh well' and its made me so much happier - and i actually enjoy helping more now - bit weird!! Isnt it funny that i didnt even know what a gratitude journal was and yet sooooo many people have one!! And i havent come across anyone yet who hasnt got anything but positives from keeping one - but yes i understand where you are coming from when some days its hard to think of even one thing!!! Thanks for reading again :)
DeleteLoved this Paula! It is hard when you help people and do things for them that are never reciprocated. Good on you, for keeping on doing them because it is who you are. You never know -one day you may just get something in return that will make your day. I too, had to deal with a non sleeper at night, it lasted 3yrs and like you, I learned to embrace it. I enjoyed the cuddles in my bed, and loved waking up to a gorgeous little face! She now sleeps all night in her own bed, which is great, but I do miss the cuddles!
ReplyDeleteThanks Mel!! Yes i can definetly say that since i have changed my thinking about the night waking, i cope alot better. She sleeps in her bed every night - although some nights i wish she would sleep with me!!! and because i have older children i really know how quick they grow up, and i totally understand when you say that you miss the cuddles :( it is quite special really when you think about, that this little person relies on you for everything and they think that you can cure all!!! I am really loving nights at the moment...... Thanks for reading again Mel - Hope your journey is still going well xx
DeleteCongratulations Paula. You have taken some big steps! Well done on making the decision about working and feeling great about it! Well done on embracing night-time cuddles with your daughter (I had to do the same!)
ReplyDeleteIt's hard when you give so much and don't get much back in return. But as you have said, you will continue as it's who you are.
Thanks Bec :) Yes i am definetly taking some big steps!! Its all very exciting isnt it?!?! I have really loved the last few months and so glad i stumbled across Deb's challenge. And also it has connected me to so many different and fantastic women - like yourself - and its nice to have another little community that you can feel yourself around..... Thanks for reading again :)
DeleteWonderful post paula - i can feel how much stronger you have grown in the last months. Gratitude is a wonderful tool in my life right now as well -xx
ReplyDeleteDeb @ home life simplified
Thanks Deb :) When i actually remember to write in my gratitude journal (i am pretty bad!!!) it has been nice to be able to quietly sit there and think about my day.... I am trying really hard to do it every day, but by the time night time comes and my kiddies are in bed, quite often i fall into bed too!! Maybe i should do it first thing in the morning....... Thanks for reading :) And thanks so much for the challenge so many people are getting sooooo much out of it you are FANTASTIC!!!!!!!
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