Go easier on yourself..........

Was this week’s SYL Challenge set just for me personally?? Mmmm I think so.

I am in a constant battle with myself about EVERYTHING, from what I SHOULD be eating, to what I SHOULD weigh, to what extra curricula activities my kids SHOULD be doing, what my baby girl SHOULD be eating and doing, to well...... every aspect of my life. I am not happy that this battle rages in my head all the time. It’s a battle that will never be won as my personality is to please everyone at the cost of myself and my health – now I know this and still continue to be the person that never says no and always has time for everyone (except me).

So this week’s task was hard for me, but also timely.

My maternity leave (which technically finished in December – but I extended it to March) is up and I have to decide WHAT to do.  The battle of working or not working has raged inside my head for months!!!! The problem is that I don’t enjoy my job, I don’t get paid what I should and I think it would add way too much stress to my family’s life if I was to go back to work.( Mind you, my boss has only asked for me to return one day a week.) And the major downside – is that I am not ready to leave my baby girl.

I love being a stay at home mum. I love being there for every moment. I love being able to take my children to netball training or football, or wherever and not always saying, oh sorry mummy has to work. I have been the working mum and I don’t like that person. I like having dinner cooked every night (well nearly) and the house being tidy because I had time to do it. I don’t like the running around feeling like I am chasing my tail AND NEVER CATCHING UP!!!!

Some would say JUST stay home. Easier said than done. I feel that if I tell my boss that I cannot work, that I have let him down. That I owe him something...... I don’t owe him anything I know, but that’s how I feel.

Today I had a meeting with him and I was all strong and ready to say that I can only return to work if I work from home – which can be done to a fair extent in my position – BUT I went in there and the result was............no working from home, and I start next Thursday for one day a week........

Still, three hours later I feel deflated, sick, like a pushover, sad VERY sad and like a small child who doesn’t know what to do.

So this week’s task - Take time for some self reflection and see if there is anything in your life where changing your expectations / standards / approach could change your life. Is there something you can let go of (or approach differently) that does not currently serve you?

Mmmmm I know that I SHOULD be letting go of my job, HOW HOW HOW HOW!!!!!!!!

I think I should also let go of the fact that life is not perfect and that life will not end if my vacuuming or dishes are not done. This is a major thing I need to let go of. I need to let go of the little things that really do not matter………… but……… how!!!!! I could write a HUGE long list but perhaps just acknowledging them for now is good enough. And perhaps the big task of working/not working is such a major hurdle to get over this week, that I should put my energy into that.

Thanks Deb for such a timely challenge........